oceanicdebris's Blog

Have you ever read someone's email, a blog, or a story they posted and felt like you were reading your own words, about your own life?  And it just brought you to tears, not only because it hurts to remember what you are going through, but also to know that someone is also going through what you are going through, and knowing how much pain they also are going through?

I did.  And I hurt not only for myself, but for that person also.

And for everyone else who is hurting.

why do i hate myself yet still continue to live.  why do i hate what someone does to me, such horrible things,  and treat me in such a way, to make me wish i didnt exist, yet let him stay in my life?

why?

back to that hole....

sucks.

So i have been obsessed lately with the chernobyl accident in 1986 in the Ukraine.  I wanted anyone who is interested in just a little insight to the effects of the nuclear radiation that still plague that area to be able to watch this. it is very moving and had me almost in tears.

http://inmotion.magnumphotos.com/essays/chernobyl.aspx

I would like to update anyone who cares to read about what's been happening the past  few weeks.  First, I have a robin bird update....the babies are getting big and doing very well, getting all their feather's now.  And haven't been divebombed by mama bird in awhile.  so lucky me!    Secondly, I am done with school for 2 weeks tomorrow.  Last final is tomorrow.  woo hoo it's break time.  (very short break but a break none the less)  And i don't know exactly whether or not i'll be on a lot in the future but i will try!  And my flowers i planted are coming up...im excited!!

take care everyone...miss ya!

The robin eggs finally hatched.   I could hear the little birdies in the nest.  I am so excited when they get big enough to see their heads up in the air waiting for mama bird to feed them!!

have you ever been so furious about someone u think u love to pieces to the point u think, look or even smell them and just hate every fucking part of their selfish fucking existance?

so have this bird who had eggs in a nest above my door...tonight came home saw a blue egg shell broken on the ground...it was sad.

ok so next thing i have been feeling a little neglected here...boo hoo me!

I met someone thru here, we are now chatting on messenger, and i like talking to him, this is great.  makes my day better, to know there is someone out there willing to shoot the breeze and talk about anything!!  yay! me!

My stomach has been upset for days now.  Everything I eat and drink makes me want to vomit.  I don't know what's up...it sucks!!   When will it go away!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47SItfZzvQY   it makes me just want to dance!!

The mama bird is back.  Oh Crap.  Actually I am super happy the mama came back.  I wonder now how many eggs are in the nest now!!

Uh, Oh....the mama bird never came back.     I guess too much in and out thru that door.  I feel really bad but....what can i do.

SO....i walk outside today from the only door i can use to get in and out of my apartment.  Up above my door is a light, under an awning.  On top of the light fixture is a nest.  A nest with a bird the size of a house cat *ok maybe im just exaggerating b/c its scary* A bird in the nest ....that for a split second wasn't out there and i check and there are robin eggs in there.  so 11-14 days from now...chicks are going to be in there.  And then Im probably going to be dive-bombed by adult birds the same size as my head just to go in and out of my apartment.  I can't get rid of the nest now, because then I'd be a baby bird killer.  And PETA would probably protest in front of my house.  My luck.  I'm going to be a grandma to baby birds soon.  And they aren't going to be too friendly I am sure of it!!!

i want to give up so bad.  I am sick of being lonely and crying all the time and feeling this way. I don't know how i can still love someone so much when he treats me like shit all the time.  I hate myself.

So i got to take a nap with my "friend" that said i betrayed him.  he actually let me sleep with him.  maybe he'll let me sleep next to him tonight.  im really hoping.  so today was actually better! :-)  happy day!

Well after this exhausting past week, i finally have a peaceful day.  I woke up pretty early, around 7:30am.   I am a little tired, since i went to bed after 1:30am.  I got a lot done today so far.  I have cleaned my apartment, did my homework that is due tonight, read 2 of the 3 chapters i need to read for a test tonight.  Unfortunately the person whom i am having a lot of problems with because he says we are only friends, however when i went and spent time with another person he told me i betrayed him, is here in my apartment acting as if nothing ever happened this past week.  i have a problem with him being here right now but i still love the guy and don't really know how i would feel if i told him to leave.  I really don't want to find out either in case i feel worse than i do now.  I am dealing with it though and it actually am not argueing with him so i guess that is progress.  Hopefully i do well on my test.  Anyways...that is just what i am going thru today.